I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
