To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
