and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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