I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
