My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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