You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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