I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We got so high we made milksteak
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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