What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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