You're completely useless in the revolution.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
