you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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