I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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