watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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