Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
