Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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