Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
