Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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