I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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