I wanna bring you to show and tell
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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