I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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