i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
