Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
