Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
