Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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