So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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