im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
