he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
