just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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