someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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