You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
