if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
