watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
