Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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