sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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