Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
