If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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