You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
