dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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