I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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