Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize