Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
