I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
