Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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