so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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