i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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