apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
