So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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