Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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