Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
