I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
