I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
