Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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