I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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