I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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