That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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