I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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