He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
