Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
