Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
