Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
try to milk me bitch
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