sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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