Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
